Dave Barry, having
accompanied his spouse to dress shops while she
looked for the perfect dress for her class
reunion, concluded that the ideal name for a dress
shop would be, simply, Size Two. No matter its
size, each garment would have “Size 2” sewn into
Well, I have accompanied Vic to discount boating
supply stores so he could run in and grab a couple
of things. I have concluded that Truth in
Advertising should mandate that the name for these
stores be, “We’ve got it. You just have to look.
It may take awhile.”
every minute we women have kept our men waiting
while we shop for clothes, they have paid us back
by the hour searching for exactly 14.25 feet of
eight gauge electrical wire and four one-half inch
stainless steel Phillips flat head screws. At
least dress shops provide chairs for our men. At
boating supply stores the little lady is welcome
to sit on a used trailer tire.
complains about the time it takes me to find the
perfect black cocktail dress. But what about the
time he spends looking for a boat cabinet hinge?
Do you want the offset, inset, piano, continuous,
flat hatched, T, shortsided or non-mortised hinge?
It could take awhile.
Just need some line for the boat? Nylon or Dacron?
Twisted, solid braid, double braid, or hollow
braid? Do you want 3/8, 1/2, or 5/8? Yikes!
then there's the question of cost. The cost of my
entire wardrobe is nothing compared to the cost of
spare equipment on our trawler. Vic’s deeply-held
belief system dictates that if it pumps, sucks, or
spins a person should have a spare on board. That
means extra bilge pumps, impellers, a/c cooling
pumps, water pumps, and other mechanical wonders.
For the $1,000 they want for a cooling pump, a
girl could get a very nice spare something or
other in gold and diamonds.
may be too late for me and Vic, but I’m betting
that evolution is going to take care of this
battle of the genders in generations to come.
Eventually the genes that dictate our Mars-Venus
conflicts will be replaced by genes that steer
what I call Boating’s Happy New Couple. Motto: the
couple that shops and boats together, is happy
she says, come with me while I try on some new
clothes, he’ll shout, “Yes!” If he says, “I’m just
going to run into the “We’ve got it” store and
grab a couple of things, she’ll say, “Oh good.
I’ll come in with you. I could spend days in that
When she admires something on the rack, Boating’s
Happy New Man says, “That looks terrific. Let me
hold your purse while you try it on.” Trying on
foul weather gear, he will be compelled to ask,
“Do you think these new Frogg Toggs go with my
skin color?” And, he would add, “After shopping
would you like to go to see that new Brad Pitt
movie? I’ve kinda lost interest in Monday Night
course, these Mars-Venus compatibles can bring
their new genewerks to the boat. On Saturday
morning, for example, the New Boating Woman would
volunteer to go get the boat ready and gas it up.
“Just come on down when you’re ready, dear,” she
“Thanks, my darling,” he replies. “I’ll just need
a little time picking out my outfit and
accessories. I’ll see you there in a couple of
hours, give or take a few.