Pop-Psy on the Water
Being an amateur
psychologist, I like to analyze people by the boat
names they choose. Every boat name is like a
mini-psychological profile of the vessel owner.
I won’t waste your time
on boats like She Got the House and She
Whines a lot. They’re just too easy. Dittos for
Sin or Swim, Swimsuits Optional and Nauti
Somewhere in Alabama
there’s a boat called Auburnsux. I don’t ever
want to meet the owner of that boat, so I won’t risk
angering him (or her?) with my non-professional
Because they are
confronting their demons, the owners of Sir
Rosis of the River, Zoloft and Xanax
get a pass today. And I won’t take the bait and
analyze the owner of Analyse This.
The owner of Singood
the Sailbad has some issues. He (or she?) needs
counseling for poor sailing, that’s for sure, and
maybe for good sinning, too. Or is it good singing?
We’ve got a split personality here, folks.
I have to get this off my
chest. You’ve seen boats named Hell Froze Over?
I imagine that here we’ve got an older male
individual. He was married for some years.
His wife was always just dead set against him owning
a boat and he sulked about that. Then something
really drastic happened. I’m not saying foul play
was involved but something tells me his spouse is no
longer in the picture.
recently had a chance to take a look and reflect on
the annual top ten list of the most popular boat
names from Boat U.S. The winners for 2005 were, from
the top, Seas the Day,
Time, Dragonfly, Pura Vida, Encore, Black Pearl,
Destiny, Serenity Now and License to Chill.
was up from number seven in 2004. I don’t know about
you but I’m picturing a preppy kind of skipper
tucked between two masts. This fellow used to wear a
captain’s hat and a blue blazer with lots of gold
buttons and always-too-clean Top Siders. Nowadays,
in a more casual world, he wears a ribbed, linen
crew-neck pullover, a pair of $200 hand-sewn navy
blue boat shoes, a Blackberry, and a pencil-thin
mustache that he trims approximately hourly.
I picture the owner of
Aquaholic as a Houston pork bellies baron. Billy
Bob’s up there on the bridge of his 52-foot
sportfisherman overseeing a lighted panel of
information –- GPS interfaced with radar and sonar,
real-time satellite images of loop currents and
water temps, a 52-inch flat screen TV with satellite
reception. He has a Stella Artois in his left hand
and a wireless remote control in his right to
control the Bose sound system which plays either
Emmy Lou Harris or George Jones. The autopilot takes
care of the steering but he rests a foot on the
wheel anyway just for a sense of control. The other
foot is for goosing throttles.
I have to
say I puzzled over the profile of the owners of
That’s a new one on the list. I
thought, “Oh, this is your financially-secure
skipper with inherited wealth and a high-fashion
trophy wife. But then somebody pointed out that the
hit movies in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series
are all about a fictional pirate galleon called the
Oh my, this changes everything.
opinion is the owner of Black Pearl is, in
fact, a lawyer who files class action lawsuits
during the week. But I think
skipper plays strictly by the rules
Monday through Friday, goes to church every Sunday,
and turns into a pretend-to-be swashbuckler only on
This is all in fun. The
new top ten names suggest to me that in real life
these owners are all solid, taxpaying citizens who
just like to escape the world’s madness once in a
while and who can fault them for that?
Naut me. Sea ya.